How to Throw Your Video Game Controller
Video games are a lot of fun, but they can also be frustrating. From time to time, you may even get frustrated enough that you want to throw something. Good news! Your controller is right there in your hand.
I've often heard people refer to a game as "controller-throwingly difficult." This is an evocative description, but it only tells part of the story. Video games are not defined according to a throw/no-throw binary. They exist along a spectrum of frustration. Likewise, there are many degrees of video game controller-throw.
With help from illustrator Kevin Whipple, I have outlined a collection of the most common techniques. They are arranged in order of escalation.
1. The Shake
Shake the controller forcefully but keep it safely in hand. Carefully set it down and take a break. Alternately, mash all the buttons for about one second instead of shaking.
2. The Almost Slam
Raise the controller up in anger. Start to bring it down on a surface in front of you, then catch yourself short and firmly set it down instead.
3. The Slam
This time, do not catch yourself. Slam the controller onto your desk or coffee table, not quite hard enough to break anything.
4. The Triple Slam
Briskly slam your controller onto the desk or coffee table three times, then firmly set it down in disgust. There is no double slam. You will either slam once or three times. Low to moderate chance of damage.
5. The Couch Toss
Exasperatedly toss the controller to your side and onto the couch. Do so with the understanding that the couch will cushion the blow. Low chance of damage. Can lead to an accidental second phase if your controller bounces off the couch and onto the floor, with a higher chance of damage.
6. The Floor Toss
Exasperatedly toss the controller onto floor, rather than the couch. The couch is too good for your controller. It deserves to be on the floor. Moderate chance of damage.
7. The Wall Pitch
Perform a direct overhand pitch into the wall. High chance of damage.
8. The Screen Pitch
Perform a direct overhead pitch at your television screen, aiming for whatever boss or other challenge it was that most recently defeated you. Medium chance of controller damage. High chance of television damage.
9. The Whole Enchilada
Throw your controller at the television, then get up and rip your console out of the entertainment center and throw that, too. Pull all the cables out through your entertainment center and throw them over your shoulder. Root out the disease. Root it out.
10. The Regan MacNeil
Throw your controller directly into your console, knocking it to the floor. Walk over and, while standing, projectile vomit directly onto the console until it stops working.
11. The Budd
Build a tiny controller-sized coffin. Get a shovel and drive to an isolated spot several miles out of town. Dig a small, deep hole. Put a fresh set of batteries into your controller and turn it on. Place your controller inside the coffin and bury it alive.
12. The Eggo
Use your telekinetic powers to lift the entire console apparatus into the air, then slam it into the wall. Hold it in place as you can summon the force of will to blast it into the dark oblivion of an alternate dimension.
13. The Full Heisenberg
Withdraw all the money from your savings account and stack it on top of the controller, then set it on fire. As you breathe in the smoke, conference call your boss and significant other and tell them both to go fuck themselves. Calmly walk from your house as the fire spreads to the carpet and drapes. Take a photo of the blaze from the street and post it to social media with no added description or context. Drop your phone into the nearest drainage hole, pick a direction, and start walking.
I hope this guide has helped you find the controller throw that's right for you. And remember, if you're feeling frustrated, you can always take a break! That boss fight will be there when you get back.
Illustrations by Kevin Whipple
(责任编辑:傻少传奇)
- ·太山景区通报建筑物局部塌陷:塌陷建筑物不属于文物
- ·6.9万人参与,分类正确率达85%,试点定时定点投放,平湖是如何做到的……
- ·《解限机》宣布公测定档 7月2日全球同步上线
- ·玛氏与雷蛇战略合作升级,共建电竞玩家专属休闲食品生态
- ·加拿大公开赛曼纳瑟罗与福克斯领先54洞 俞俊安T3
- ·Atari 2600: The Atlantis of Game Consoles
- ·《数码宝贝:源码》预约已突破800万,这一次都不是被选剩的孩子!
- ·女人没了子宫,身体多半会有4个影响,很多女性都无法接受!
- ·下图高手安装使用介绍
- ·TechSpot PC Buying Guide: 2025 Update
- ·警惕!这些行为或在损害你的眼健康|全国“爱眼日”
- ·初一叙事作文:人生路上的指明灯
- ·Ninja FrostVault cooler: $50 off at Amazon
- ·CONSENSUS: PYLON ปี 68 พลิกมีกำไร ยิ้มรับงานใหม่เพียบ ทยอยเพิ่ม Backlog ทำนิวไฮ : อินโฟเควสท์
- ·It's Barbie's World in These Perfectly Pink Places
- ·win8下安装杜比驱动、启用杜比音效图文教程
- ·五年级的作文300字锦集10篇
- ·四年级作文锦集[10篇]
- ·Best gift card deal: Get two $50 Uber eGift Cards for $75 at Costco
- ·INTERVIEW: "เมื่อรัฐหยุดพิมพ์เงินไม่ได้ แต่คุณเลือก Bitcoin ได้"